I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i came on her dog
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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