Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
