I hate your face
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
