Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i love accidental penises.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
