i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
