I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
