the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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