did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
