I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
