Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need water and some morals
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
