Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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