My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
