Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
