Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
