let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
