This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
