hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
