Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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