On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You don't make any sense
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