OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
