i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
