Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
