i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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