Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
