Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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