"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
