At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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