So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
