she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
