I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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