If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
