I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
