that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
