i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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