I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's just like the Real World with babies
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
