remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
