Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
