I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
