so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
