Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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