My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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