i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
