I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
