You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
do nipples grow back?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
