38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We're too hungover to prance.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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