why didn't you poke me back
she was so not down for the gang bang
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
