Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
