Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
