i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
