Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
