i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
