I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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